Texting Before First Date: What To Say

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In need of tips for if you should be Texting Before First Date? Here are a few that can help.

Okay, so you’ve set up the first date – congratulations. But now what? Should you text them? Should you play it cool and wait until the date to see them?

If you text too much, you might seem too eager.

If you don’t text at all, you might seem like you don’t care or they might think you forgot about the date.

So where is the happy medium? 

image reads "texting before the first date" and shows a woman texting on a cellphone.

Don’t fret. We’ve got you covered. Today we’ll talk about all the dos and don’ts of texting before the first date so that your date doesn’t end before it begins. 

Should You Text Before the First Date?

The simple answer to this question is yes. A better question to ask is, “how much should you text before the first date?” – but we’ll dive a little deeper into that question a little later.

For now, let’s just say the answer is yes, you should text before the first date and there’s a few reasons why.

First, texting will let your date know that you are still interested. If you asked them out on a date a week ago and they haven’t heard from you since, they may think you have lost interest or that you forgot.

Even if you only asked them out yesterday, it’s good to check in and confirm that they are still interested in going or that their plans haven’t changed. 

Second, many people like to get to know someone a little bit before the first date both for safety reasons and for the purpose of determining whether or not there are any red flags.

It also allows you to become more comfortable with the person you are dating, reducing or completely eliminating any tension and awkwardness that often happens on a first date. 

When Should You Text Before a First Date?

Let’s set the record straight – there’s no “right amount” of time to text before a first date.

It really depends on how long ago the date was set and who you are taking on the date.

Everyone’s preferences are different, so it’s important that you learn to read the room.

If you just asked a person on a date and are going the next day, that doesn’t leave too much time to text in between.

Remember, sending too many texts can come off as needy – so you’ll want to keep things simple.

If your date is approaching quickly, perhaps avoid starting any lengthy conversations.

A simple, “I’m looking forward to our date tomorrow” the night before will be plenty enough to get you both excited for the date.

If you asked the person on a date a week ago, that leaves a little more flexibility in the texting department. And this is where you really want to read the room.

Some people will really want to get to know you better before going on the date.

Others would prefer to wait until the date to get to know each other better. So again, we suggest reading the room.

In the week before your date, send them a simple message.

Again, something like, “I’m really looking forward to our date” will be sufficient.

And then let them take the lead. If their response is short and simple, don’t push the conversation.

Wait until the night before and then send them another short text to make sure they are still available.

If their response sounds like they are interested in continued conversation, then continue the conversation as it feels comfortable for both of you. Don’t force anything here – just let it flow. 

What Should You Text about Before the First Date?

The only rule for texting before a first date is to keep things simple. You can text as much or as little as you want.

As long as the conversation is flowing and your date seems to be engaged, it’s okay to continue texting. It’s what you talk about in your texts that matter.

When you’re just getting to know someone, we suggest keeping things light.

You don’t need to tell your date all of your deepest and darkest secrets before you even get the chance to go on a date with them. If you get in too deep too quickly, you could scare them away. 

Rather, keep it simple. What do you do for work? How was your day? What would you like to do on our date?

Let the conversation flow into whatever it does, but avoid anything too serious or in depth – and leave something to talk about on your date. 

And while we feel like this should go without saying it, we feel the need to say it anyways – please – no sexting!

If you really want to get to know this person better, do not talk about sex before the first date (or on the first date for that matter!). Do not ask them sexual questions. Do not send sexual photos. If the topic is sexual – the answer is no!

With that being said, a little harmless flirting doesn’t hurt. It’s okay to tell someone that you think they’re beautiful. But keep the compliments and flirting classy. 

Should You Facetime before a First Date?

We don’t generally recommend Facetiming before a first date, but some people may feel more comfortable if you do.

For example, if your date is someone that you met online, they may want to meet you on Facetime before your date to ensure that you aren’t a catfish. And that’s okay. But keep your Facetimes to a minimum.

If you have met the person you have asked on a date before, we suggest avoiding Facetime altogether. Leave some mystery. You don’t want to run out of things to talk about before your date!

And finally, the most important rule of texting before a first date – just be yourself!

You should never have to be someone you’re not to impress a date. If you do, they aren’t the one for you. Just be yourself and if it flows, it flows. If it doesn’t, there’s lots of other fish in the sea!

Sara, a seasoned expert in wedding planning and date ideas, brings a wealth of experience to our couples blog. With a background in the television industry and hands-on involvement in a dozen weddings, including working as a wedding assistant on "My Fair Wedding with David Tutera," Sara has an innate understanding of the magic that makes weddings truly special. Growing up with four sisters has given her unique insights into the dating world, making her a go-to source for practical and heartfelt dating advice. Her knowledge and enthusiasm make her the perfect guide for couples seeking to infuse their relationships with creativity and love.

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