Five Tips to Craft Funny Wedding Wishes; 100 Ideas to Steal

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So your friend or family member is getting married, and you want to write some funny wedding wishes on their card? Or maybe you’re tasked with giving a speech at the wedding and you’re wanting to make it humorous and memorable? Here are 100 Funny Wedding Wishes to share.

100 funny wedding wishes to steal with bride and groom laughing

I am so happy for you! But…

We have all heard those cringeworthy stories about what Great Aunt Shirley had the nerve to say at Cousin John’s wedding. And right to the bride’s face! As guests, we want to provide warm, heartfelt wishes to the newly married duo. Unfortunately, not everyone is as great with a joke as they’d like to believe.  Or perhaps you’re great at well-timed humor most days, but making a joke that is appropriate for the occasion is where you fall flat. Whether you’re adept at crafting a good wedding pun, or you need a little help in the humor department, the below list will help you craft the perfect wedding wish while also getting that well-deserved chuckle. 

How to Write Funny Wedding Wishes

  1. He Who Must not be Named:
    The groom is smiling. The bride is absolutely glowing. You could not possibly be happier for these two. And you like him so much better than that last pain in the neck she was dating. You think to yourself, “I bet the groom would really appreciate hearing that!” STOP.  He would not. Instead of telling either the bride or groom why they are so much better than that last punk, just state the positive by saying, “She finally got it right!”
  2. Gender Roles Aren’t Funny:
    Until they are. The world around is changing every day. Marriages are not as traditional as they once were. Perhaps the bride is planning to work while her new groom will stay home and raise the kids. Maybe the groom is the superior cook, and the bride is not allowed in the kitchen at all. It’s ok to crack a joke about how the groom will make sure she doesn’t burn the house down trying to use the oven. Regardless of who is taking on what role in the marriage, just walk right up to the groom, shake his hand, and say, “Congratulations. It’s about time someone made an honest woman out of you.”
  3. Daughter for Sale:
    Pointing out that the bride’s parents are likely very thrilled to see their daughter married off and happy is also a tried-and-true wedding wish. Poking fun using this trope can be done in many ways. Perhaps make reference to the groom’s new father-in-law including a PS5 as part of his daughter’s dowry. 
  4. Remember When?
    Memories! We love them! In fact, we barely live in the moment anymore. Instead, we say we are making memories. Do you have a fond memory of the bride and groom? Was the groom working in the human resources department while the bride was in sales, and he was too nervous to ask her out?  Any crack about how he risked having to write himself a reprimand in order to get the first date will be a great way to poke fun at that sweet memory.  Any memory you can share about how the couple almost didn’t get together is always good for a laugh. 
  5. Check out Fiverr:
    We are all funny in our own way. However, it is possible you are not funny in a way that will get that laugh. Or perhaps you’re not funny at all, and your friends are too polite to tell you. If it has been a while since you’ve heard a chortle after one of your puns, it is likely you’re going to need to farm-out the funny to a freelancer. Share a few bits and pieces about the bride and groom, like how they met, how you know the two of them, and why you are happy for them. Spend a crisp $5 on Fiverr to have someone craft a wish from you that is both heartfelt and hilarious.  Some writers even allow for revisions, so you can keep working with them to get the perfect amount of profound and playful into your wish. 

Since you now have some direction to get started, take a moment to write down your favorite memories and other ideas in order to get ball rolling on your creativity.  And if you happen to feel a bit of joke writers’ block, a quick walk away from the laptop will help clear that head. No need to stress! A wedding wish is always welcome even if it doesn’t include a laugh.

1He knew she was a keeper when she never got annoyed that he spent a day and a half with his buddies for the annual Fantasy Football draft. Seriously. It’s a day and a half. 
2Thanks so much to the happy couple for letting us witness this union. And for the open bar. Mostly for the bar.
3I remember a day when we celebrated a happy couple by eating cake. But this wall of donuts is cool, too.
4If you’re divorced inside of two years, will you reimburse me for that toaster?
5I finally found someone who gets my jokes. At least I hope he gets them. If he was faking it, this is going to be a looong road.
6Like a mysterious rash with unknown origins, may your love continue to spread all throughout your body. 
7We bless you with the good health to continue to fit into that dress for the next ten years. From year eleven on, all bets are off. 
8A good marriage is when you have someone there to laugh with you. And at you. Mostly at you. 
9Forgiving one another just as God through Christ has forgiven you. I mean seriously. If God can get over it, you can make an effort, too.
10May the two of you commit to being honest, kind, and to at least consider using one of the fondue sets you receive today at least once a year.
11They say that money cannot buy love like this. But having it is one less thing to fight about. 
12Best wishes to as you build a life together and may building that life require minimal trips to the Home Depot.
13What made you decide to risk a 50% chance of divorce by spending tens of thousands of dollars to throw a party in a barn?
14Such a beautiful couple is sure to create beautiful children. That won’t change the part where those children will one day turn into little terrors who appear to be sent to destroy this most holy union.
15It is no surprise that our groom landed such beautiful bride. You should’ve seen the chicks he was nailing back in college.
16Welcome to the family. No, there’s nothing we can do about Great Uncle Bob.
17We’re all so happy to be here and aren’t just attending because of the free booze. 
18This marriage is a dream come true, and I’m so glad it’s not the dream where the faceless man is chasing me in my old high school gym.
19Some say, “Marriage is just a piece of paper”. To those pessimists, I like to say “It also has a number of tax benefits.”
20Marriage isn’t a journey. It’s an evolution. Here’s hoping that in 10 years, he’s no longer an ape and is still erectus.
21We raise a glass to all of you who kindly adhered to our “Adults Only” reception. Don’t worry, Auntie will surely be able to get red frosting out of her veil, Jaden.
22May you love each other as much as our elderly relatives love conspiracies involving Bill Gates.
23May the years ahead be filled with joy, happiness, and enough square footage so that you don’t annoy one another.
24Here’s wishing you a lifetime of memories such as where to hide that stupid elf after you introduce one into your home to keep the kids in line.
25May your marriage not just be blessed, but hashtag blessed.
26May everyday be as special as your wedding day. But hopefully much less expensive.
27Though we would have traveled anywhere to watch you wed, we’d prefer an actual cake to cake pops when we arrive. I mean really. Cake pops? They’re tiny.
28Always remember to love one another to the moon. But not back. Not yet at least. Let’s see how things play out first.
29Thank you for letting us share in your special day. Not to make it weird, but are there any bacon-wrapped dates left over?
30Toilets seats left up. Socks not in the hamper. Unannounced mother-in-law visits. If you think your problems will be that easy, you really are going to need all the luck and well wishes in the world. 
31The key to a happy marriage is always to finish whatever you started binge-watching together. Netflix will tell you if she watched it while you were out.
32May you have a long happy life navigating all the problems that are thrown at you. Even though one of you likely created most of those problem.
33A big, heartfelt thank you to our entire wedding party. Now is as good a time as any to tell you that you will NEVER wear those bridesmaids’ dresses again.
34Love is patient. OK, get on with it. There is a carving station at the buffet, and I haven’t eaten since 9 am.
35The book for Ruth states “Your people shall be my people”. That even includes your Aunt Martha.
36Congrats to the happy couple! Sorry if that sounds informal, but I don’t know how to spell congratulations.
37Hate what is evil; Like inviting your mother over before I’ve had time to clean. Romans 12:9, kinda.
38We’re thrilled to add another leaf to our family tree. Here’s hoping it doesn’t turn brown and fall off by the end of October.
39As you begin your new life together, remember that the old one is well-documented on at least three different social media platforms.
40Thanks for including us on your special day. We know it’s not free for us to attend. 
41We are so thrilled you traveled all this way to join us in celebration, and we’re confident you’d have done so even if there wasn’t an open bar.
42When do you plan on starting a family? When? WHEN, Jessica?!? HAVE A BABY ALREADY. 
43Admitting when you’re wrong will be a key to a happy marriage. It also couldn’t hurt to avoid gloating when you’re right. 
44It’s easy to fall in love but tough to stay in love. I can’t wait until 3 years from now to see which one you guys are.
45And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Like even greater than coffee.
46I knew the happy couple was meant to be when she learned about the autographed Kid Rock poster he still displayed and wanted to marry him anyway. 
47They say the worst thing a wedding guest could do is wear white. I’d say that’s a distant second to stabbing the groom.
48May you remember this day for years to come, and not just the part where the kitchen didn’t make enough appetizers because Aunt Carol didn’t get any.
49On which dating app did the happy couple meet?
50Cheers to a bright and happy future! It’s a future that will never be as awesome as today because there will be kids there.
51Wishing you all the happiness that sharing a mortgage can bring.
52Let’s celebrate the happy couple by eating salad out of a mason jar. And then hitting that mason jar with our forks until they kiss. Because wedding. 
53Ladies, marriage is just finding that special man and committing to spending one day a week folding his underpants.
54I pray you are happier together each day. That means today is the least happy you will ever be. Let’s all raise a glass to your crappiest day!
55I pray your marriage remains as beautiful and successful as most marriages appear on Instagram.
56Please take the personalized matchbooks and bookmarks with you as a memory of the numerous arguments we had when deciding on them.
57May you never grow tired of pulling fistfuls of your wife’s hair from the shower drain.
58A special thanks to those of you here who didn’t RSVP. It was no problem finding an extra hay bail for you to sit on. 
59Though I secretly despise video games and judge you for playing them, this wedding marks the day where I no longer have to hold such feelings inside.
60The bible tells us that a wife must respect her husband. It says nothing about having to fold his socks, but you’ll probably be doing that, too. 
61The couple has been together so long, we had to tell the groom “Shit or get off the pot”. We’re so glad he decided to shit.
62“God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” –1 John 4:12 “You complete me.” -Tom Cruise
63Cheers to our groom for snagging such a hot wife! You know he’s broke, right? 
64I’m certain your marriage will be wonderful and blissful. Until you have kids. 
65We’re blessed to have gained a new family member. We were growing tired of arguing with Uncle John on our own at Thanksgiving and could use the help.
66Remember to care for and listen to one another no matter how stupid your partner’s problems are to you. 
67We’re all thrilled that bride is such a strong, self-assured woman who is not afraid to wear white ironically.
68I don’t know who decided that joining couples in matrimony should be accompanied by prime rib, but let’s thank that guy!
69May the happy couple continue to love, honor, and not make plans on Sunday when the Cardinals are playing. Unless it’s a bye week. But it really all depends on whether they’ve been mathematically eliminated yet.
70Please raise your glass of champagne, and let us all try not to talk about how or why the bride is drinking sparkling cider.
71The wedding was beautiful. The groomsmen looked quite simply dashing in their Chuck Taylors. 
72May you be fruitful and multiply. But not for like, I don’t know, another 5 years. Trust me.
73We are all so thrilled that these two both decided to swipe right.
74Ecclesiastes 4:9 states “If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” It states nothing about holding in your laugh.
75May you two never get tired of sleeping together. I mean, it happened to Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, so be prepared.
76The secret to successful marriage is to find a right person. May you refrain from strangling that person for years to come!
77Congratulations on buying the cow. We hope it wasn’t just for the milk, because as it turns out that’s a very small part of marriage.
78Raise a glass to this wonderful day of eating cake pops with burlap napkins in a barn. To Pinterest!
79“I have found the one whom my soul loves.” –Song of Solomon 3:4. It’s worth a mention that my head and heart just like you as a friend.
80We can all see that love has put a twinkle in your eye. And we are thrilled it’s not the kind of twinkles that needs 14 days’ worth of antibiotic drops.
81The heart wants what the heart wants. And apparently two hearts wanted all their friends and family to take off work and travel to wine country to eat chicken breast.
82A heartfelt thanks to our groomsmen who had to escort three guests out of the reception for wearing jeans. 
83Here’s to a long and happy marriage where you no longer bicker about the color of napkins. 
84May you learn early on in this union that the secret to a happy marriage is two thermostats.
85Wishing you a long and happy marriage in that order. Because if it’s not happy, it will certainly feel long.
86As I sit here and listen to everyone wishing you peace and bliss, I can’t help but wonder if they’re being sarcastic. 
87At no other place would we see love being celebrated alongside women in formal gowns and cowboy boots. Except every other wedding ever since about 2011.
88My feelings toward your special day can best be summed up the way the Gin Blossoms named their 2nd studio album: Congratulations, I’m sorry.
89We are so happy to be friends with both of you. But mostly we’re here because we know Becky’s mom from work.
90You have all of life’s biggest decisions ahead you. Like which side of the bed you’ll sleep on because it will never change even when you stay at a hotel.
91To the bride, who has done a wonderful job pretending to like your sports teams even though she’d prefer to be reading a book or binge-watching Downton Abbey.
92I take you as my husband, to have and to scold, or you can just put the dishes away where I asked you.
93This may be one of the oddest things I’ve ever seen two people do just to score a free gravy boat.
94She knew he was the one when he started to order a larger portion than he needed in order to account for the 3-4 bites she takes off his plate when we dining out.
95Mark 10:9 states: “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”  Don’t let a lawyer tell you otherwise.
96Are you hoping to welcome children in the future, or do you prefer to remain happy?
97We have so enjoyed celebrating with the people we love. And the dates they felt the need to bring though we all know you’ll be broken up inside of a year.
98There’s no one I’d rather spend thousands of dollars on mason jars with than you.
99Among all the well-wishes, no one tells you the best part of marriage: Splitting the rent.
100Falling in love is easy but staying in love is work. And spoiler alert: you do the work for free, and there are no paid vacations.

Sara, a seasoned expert in wedding planning and date ideas, brings a wealth of experience to our couples blog. With a background in the television industry and hands-on involvement in a dozen weddings, including working as a wedding assistant on "My Fair Wedding with David Tutera," Sara has an innate understanding of the magic that makes weddings truly special. Growing up with four sisters has given her unique insights into the dating world, making her a go-to source for practical and heartfelt dating advice. Her knowledge and enthusiasm make her the perfect guide for couples seeking to infuse their relationships with creativity and love.

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