Words of Affirmation For Her don’t have to be difficult! I’m sure you’ve heard of The 5 Love Languages by now. If not, you’ve likely realized it on your own: your significant other flourishes when you love her in certain ways and dims when you try to love her in others.
Gary Chapman, a marriage counselor, wrote a book about it when he realized this truth. It’s called The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, and it explains the five ways couples show love:
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
- Words of Affirmation
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Speaking your partner’s love language is essential in the same way speaking someone’s verbal language is essential.
And it’s vital to remember that the point is to change your behavior to adapt to your partner’s love language, not the other way around!
Imagine that you’re visiting France and you need to ask a question of a local.
Would you expect them to take out their phone, pull up a translator app, and interpret your words into French?
I hope not!
Most likely, you would use your technology and resources to translate your English (or broken French) words into something they can understand.
Love languages work the same way!
Knowing the language your partner speaks is a way to translate the love you feel for her into something that she can comprehend, depend on, and use.
How do you know your partner’s love language?
Well, one way is to take the free test on the book’s website.
Another is to pay attention to your partner!
What makes them light up? Is it a surprise bouquet of flowers after a long day at work? Is it a gentle back rub while you’re watching TV?
Maybe it’s her waking up to find that you’ve folded that load of towels. Or that you’ve blocked out the day to spend together even if it’s doing nothing.
Or maybe it’s those moments when all you do is say honest and loving words to them.
If that’s the case (and if you’re reading this article, I imagine it is!), your partner’s love language is probably words of affirmation.
If your own love language is not words of affirmation, it may be challenging to get your head around the idea of showing your love in a way that seems sincere and not-so-cheesy.
And while it may seem tempting to start throwing all the lovey-dovey phrases your partner’s way, it’s important to remember that, to them, all your words matter!
Insincere words will be as devastating to her as genuine words are delightful.
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How To Use Words Of Affirmation For Women
Let’s talk about a few things to keep in mind as you begin your journey.
1. Be Honest.
Your words will fall flat if you don’t mean them.
Now, you may be thinking it’s impossible to be disingenuous in this situation—after all, this is the woman you love. There are obviously tons of things to say to her honestly and lovingly!
But it’s important to avoid the trap of complimenting for the sake of complimenting.
We’ve all been there, after all. Nothing feels more awkward or false than hearing a bland, “I like your pants” on the day you threw them on wrinkled straight from the dryer.
Instead, take this as an opportunity to become an expert in the art of noticing. That’s really what this love language is about!
2. Be Specific.
Okay, so what exactly are we supposed to be noticing? The answer is anything and everything.
If you’re going to be honest, you’ll need to be specific, so take a moment to notice things about your partner.
Notice when she wears her favorite jeans in a new way.
Notice how she starts the dishwasher every night, so you’ll have a clean coffee cup in the morning.
Notice how she always asks after the cashier’s day.
More than likely, the things you notice will be representative of the things that made you fall in love with her in the first place! Over time, it’s easy for those traits to become so typical that we stop noticing how special they are.
You’re not limited to just compliments, either!
Asking specific questions about things going on in their life or offering encouragement when you know they’re struggling is also a way to use words of affirmation.
Just don’t forget to be specific about it. We’re not talking about a generic, “How was your day?” or ambiguous, “You got this.”
Notice her wants, needs, and strengths and go there.
3. Be Consistent.
It may be hard at first, especially if speaking loving words isn’t your natural tendency, but it’s crucial that your partner feels your love every single day.
How you want to go about it is up to you but find a way to ensure that using words of affirmation every day becomes part of your rhythm.
It could be helpful to set a reminder on your phone. Or maybe it’s better to make it part of your meal routine, whether you’re dining together or apart.
Whatever method you choose, make it a priority to use words of affirmation regularly, even if it seems a little scheduled at first.
As long as your words are honest and sincere, she’ll feel loved, and over time, you’ll get into the habit of speaking them without an established routine.
4. Be Yourself.
I know, I know. I might be asking you to do something that is so far removed from yourself that you don’t see how this advice can fly.
But it can trust me!
The point here is to make it work for you, too. Just as the things you’re noticing in your partner are the things that made you fall in love with her, there are things about you that made her fall in love.
Don’t abandon those!
If you’re a natural poet with a gift for eloquent words, by all means, use it!
But if your style is more sticky notes on her steering wheel or funny memes throughout the day, that’s where you should be hanging out.
That doesn’t mean there aren’t moments that might pull you out of your comfort zone—leaving her crying on the couch after a bad meeting to grab your phone and send a quick GIF isn’t really the goal here—but in the day to day, find ways to weave words of affirmation into the rhythms you’ve already established together.
5. Be Extra Cautious In Front Of Others.
It should be well established by now that words matter to your words of affirmation partner.
As important as it is to speak true, loving words to her in private moments, it’s equally important to mind your words when you’re around others.
Playful banter is common for many couples, including when you’re around others.
Some research suggests it can even benefit couples or indicate healthy relationships!
But when your partner feels love through words, it’s imperative that any teasing, especially in front of others, maintains positivity.
What might seem like a harmless joke about her tendency to steal the covers or her thrift store habit could be interpreted as a criticism.
And while working between just the two of you is one thing, doing so with an audience is another thing entirely.
So, when you’re tempted to tease in public, make sure your words are positive and complimentary.
If you can’t make a joke that puts your partner in the absolute best light, it’s best to let someone else play the comedian.
Examples of Words of Affirmation For Women
With these tips in mind, let’s talk about some examples you can use to get used to speaking this love language.
Don’t forget these are examples that need to be completed with specific characteristics and moments with your partner.
Also, let’s keep in mind that all people have different preferences when it comes to the types of compliments they receive.
You know your partner best!
Think about whether she would rather be complimented on her appearance or her motherhood, on her housekeeping or her business savvy.
Mix it up to keep things fresh but choose specific areas of her life that are the most meaningful to her.
“I love how you did your hair today. That (cut, part, color, style) looks great on you!”
“You did a great job putting that outfit together! I love how… looks together/on you.”
“That color is perfect on you. It really brings out your (eyes, hair, etc.…).”
“I know you’ve been putting a lot of effort into working out lately, and it shows! You’re looking so strong/lean/etc….”
Note: Always be mindful when commenting on appearance, especially when it comes to her figure and weight.
If you know she’s been working towards a fitness goal, don’t hesitate to tell her that her effort is noticed, but never comment in a way that makes your perception of her beauty dependent on meeting fitness or weight loss goals.
“You handled that situation with (child, parent, sibling, etc…) really well. I was impressed by how you….”
“I love to see you interact with (child, parent, sibling, etc…). It shows how (caring, fun, etc…) you are.”
“You’re such a good (mom, daughter, friend). I love how you….”
“How did the conversation with (family member or friend) go? I know you were worried about it.”
“You really showed how amazing you are during (project, meeting, client, etc…).”
“You’re going to do a great job with (project, meeting, client) today. You worked so hard to….”
“Did anything interesting happen with (project, meeting, co-worker) today?”
“Can I see some of the stuff you’ve been working on lately?”
“I really appreciate how you always…. You make our home run so smoothly.”
“Can I help you take care of anything around the house today? I know you were planning on….”
“You make our home feel so… I love how… makes the environment so (peaceful, calm, fun).”
“Dinner was fantastic tonight. You really have a way of….”
“Can I see the project you’ve been working on? You’ve been making so much good progress!”
“I’d love to join you for… soon. I know you love it!”
“Tell me more about… I don’t know enough about it, but you make it seem fun.”
“Let me take care of… so you can spend some time on….”
101 Words of Affirmation For Her
- I love you!
- You’re beautiful!
- You’re so smart!
- I’m proud of you!
- Thank you for being by my side.
- Thank you for taking care of me.
- You always know how to make me feel better and I cherish that about you.
- You’re so strong and courageous! You never give up on yourself or on others, even when things are tough. You’re an inspiration to me and to everyone around you.
- You are the best thing that has ever happened to me .
- I don’t know what I would do without you.
- Thank you for being understanding.
- You have such a good heart.
- You always make me laugh.
- Thank you for being by my side! I feel so lucky to have you in my life. No matter what happens, good or bad, I know that I can always count on you. You’re my rock and I love you for that.
- You’re such an incredible woman and I feel so blessed to be with you! I love you more than anything in the world and I promise to always make you feel loved, appreciated, and admired.
- Just hearing your voice makes my day.
- I cherish our time together.
- I can’t imagine my life without you in it.
- Wow, you look stunning!
- Your kindness is unmatched! You always go out of your way to make others feel comfortable and loved. You’re always quick to offer a hug or kind word, and I know that you brighten everyone’s day, just like you brighten mine.
- Gorgeous as always!
- You turn heads when you walk into a room.
- You’re one of a kind.
- You have such a beautiful soul! You’re always thinking of others and wanting to help in any way you can. You have a heart of gold and I love you for that.
- You’re so wise beyond your years! You always know what to say or do in every situation. You have a great head on your shoulders and I’m so proud of the woman you’re becoming.
- I love the way you think.
- You always know just what to say.
- Your perspective is so unique.
- You’re so brave! You never shy away from a challenge, no matter how big or small. You always face your fears head-on and come out stronger on the other side.
- You see the best in people.
- You have such a positive attitude.
- You’re always looking for the silver lining.
- You brighten up every room you enter.
- You’re my reason for everything. I wake up every day feeling blessed that I get to spend my life with you. You bring joy into my life and I know that as long as we’re together, everything will be alright.
- Your smile is contagious.
- I love spending time with you.
- You are my favorite person in the whole world!
- I love you, just the way you are! You’re perfect to me, flaws and all. I wouldn’t change a thing about you because you’re perfect just as you are. I cherish you and everything we have together.
- How do you always know how to make me smile?
- You make every day better!
- I’m so grateful to be with you!
- Thank you for being you!
- You have such a giving heart! You’re always putting others first and thinking of ways to make their lives better. Whether it’s volunteering your time or simply lending an ear, you’re always there when someone needs you.
- You’re such a great listener.
- You always make me feel special.
- I love your sense of humor.
- I don’t know what I would do without you! You’re such an amazing person and you mean everything to me. Thank you for being in my life and sharing your love with me.
- You are absolutely amazing!
- I admire your strength! You’re one of the most resilient people I know. No matter how many times you get knocked down, you always get back up again. You’re a fighter and I believe in you!
- You’re always there for me when I need you.
- You have the most beautiful eyes (or any other physical feature) I’ve ever seen!
- You’re so talented!
- I can’t believe how lucky I am to be with you!
- You’re so beautiful, inside and out! You have such a unique perspective on life and I love hearing your stories. You always see the best in people and I know that you’re going to change the world.
- Thank you for being my everything.
- Our kids are so lucky to have you as their mom.
- You’re an incredible friend.
- I’m so proud of you! You always set your sights high and go after your dreams. You never give up, even when things are tough. You have such determination and drive, and I know that you can achieve anything you set your mind to.
- You always make me feel loved.
- I’m so proud of you!
- Thank you for being my best friend and my lover.
- You’re my world!
- I wish you could see yourself the way I do.
- You always figure out the best solution to problems!
- You’re always so supportive!
- Thank you for being patient with me.
- You are the best wife I could’ve ever asked for!
- You’re my best friend!
- I love you more than anything in the world!
- Thank you for being by my side through everything.
- You mean everything to me!
- You’re one of a kind! You have such a special, unique talents and gifts. You always make me laugh and I know that you’ll never stop amazing me. I can’t wait to see all the wonderful things you do in your life.
- You always stay so calm, even when you could be going crazy.
- You make me feel like I can do anything!
- I’m so lucky to be with you! You’re amazing in every way possible.
- You’re such a hard worker!
- I’m grateful for everything you do for our family.
- You are the most amazing person I have ever met.
- You are doing so great at your job!
- You’re an amazing friend!
- I know I can always count on you to be there for me.
- You are one of the most compassionate people I know.
- Your generosity is appreciated more than you could ever know.
- Thank you for being such a great role model.
- You’re an incredible mom to our daughter/son!
- I’m so glad we’re married! You’re such a great person to be around.
- It’s so nice to have you in my life! You brighten up every day.
- Thank you for your support during this difficult time. I really appreciate it.
- I don’t know what I would do without you!
- Wow, you’re looking good today!
- You’re so smart!
- I love spending time with you.
- You always have such great ideas!
- You’re a great problem solver.
- Thank you for being patient with me. I know I can be frustrating sometimes.
- I really appreciate your help with this project. You’ve been a huge asset!
- Thank you for being so good to me. I really need it right now.
- I’m so glad we met! You’ve really made a difference in my life.
- I love you more than anything in the world! You’re my everything.
- Thank you for being by my side through everything. I really appreciate it.
- I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Thank you for being my partner, my friend, and my lover. I can’t imagine my life without you.
These examples are just a few ways to show your partner the love she deserves!
The most important part of speaking this love language is your ability to pay attention and express interest and appreciation for the things that make her special.
Every woman is different, and every relationship is unique.
With a bit of time and intention, you’re sure to find a myriad of ways to comfort, compliment, and encourage her.