Freaking out about having to write a Funny Maid of Honor Speech? Fear not, we have brought in a stand up comic who is sharing her best examples of quotes to add in to your speech.
It is a great honor to be chosen as the maid of honor for your best friend’s wedding day. You’ve known each other for years, and it makes sense that you would want to stand with her on her big day. But now the pressure is on! It’s up to you to write a speech that will get everyone laughing, crying and celebrating!
You may not know what story or words you might want to say just yet, but don’t worry! We’re here to help.
Our advice? Be yourself, share your memories, and most importantly: don’t screw up!
Tips For Writing Winning Bridesmaid Speeches
The maid of honor speech is an important part of any wedding because it’s a time for the maid of honor to tell a few jokes and share some light-hearted memories about how she feels about the bride.
A maid of honor speech can be great if you’re funny, but it can also turn out less than desired if you’re really not that comical…be sure to know your audience, and don’t force anything so its not awkward.
● Choose your humor style wisely: Be careful to choose something that matches your personality. If you are not that funny, don’t attempt some sort of stand up comedy routine on stage when all eyes are on you. You’ll only end up making everyone else uncomfortable and embarrassed for you.
● Keep it short: This is not a time to tell old stories about how you two met 10 years ago. This is a time to tell the bride and groom how much they mean to you, why they should marry each other (if for no other reason than love) and how happy you are for the both of them.
● Don’t be afraid to get personal: While people will expect light-hearted jokes and funny stories, they’ll also want to hear about the person standing up there and not just some comedian pretending to be funny. Tell the bride how close you are, tell her why you feel she deserves someone like him that will love her as much as he does, and try not to cry while saying all of this.
● Don’t make it about you: You’re not the star of this show so try not to talk too much about yourself and your own feelings for the bride. This is a time for her, make sure she hears how happy you are for her no matter what happens in the future with her and her new husband.
● Don’t be offensive: If you have any jokes that you think may be a little on the edgy side, make sure they are appropriate for your audience. Don’t tell any jokes about race or sexual orientation at a wedding and if you do have to go there, remember who is likely going to laugh; you.
● Practice: Make sure you practice your maid of honor speech in front of someone you trust because you’ll want to see how others will react to your humor. If it’s not funny, scrap it and be prepared to tell the bride how much she means to you in a different way.
● Be comfortable: When it comes time for the maid of honor speech, be sure that you are in a place where you feel completely comfortable like at home or some place in your home town where you’re comfortable and not nervous because everyone around you knows how funny you are. If that’s not the case, then make sure to get there early with a glass of water or a calming beverage so you can be ready by the time it is your turn.
● Memorize it: If you feel comfortable doing so, try memorizing your maid of honor speech. This will also help you get rid of any jitters that you may be feeling as well!
● Give it a rest: If this is your first time speaking in front of people, don’t go overboard. Limit yourself to just one or two maid of honor jokes and then save the rest for a time when you’re more comfortable being the center of attention.
● Talk loud enough: No matter what size crowd or how big the room is, try to make sure that they can all hear you with ease. This means speaking up loud and clear so everyone’s attention isn’t on your voice but your actual words.
● Don’t forget about the groom: While it may be easy to just focus on the bride, don’t forget that there is a groom there that you may have to talk about as well. Make sure that he hears how great of a guy he is and all the things that you know he’ll be good at in the future.
● Don’t be nervous: While it’s great that you care about giving a good maid of honor speech, don’t let it get to you too much because if you are really nervous then your speech will reflect that as well.
● Don’t be a downer: If you know something about the bride and groom, keep it to yourself. Nobody wants to hear anything bad about their newlywed friends so try your best not to say something that’s going to make people feel sad or even worse; upset with you! Just give all the positives and leave it at that.
● Be yourself: If you are a funny maid of honor, then be funny! If you’re not, then just go with what feels natural to you because if the bride and groom love you for who you are, everyone else will too.
● Don’t take it so seriously: This is your friend’s big day but don’t worry about it too much because if you do, you may end up putting too much pressure on yourself and then your maid of honor speech will suffer because of it.
● Don’t overdo the brag: If the bride is your best friend, then she already knows all the amazing things that you have done and how proud you are of her. When it comes to the maid of honor speech, save your bragging for other times when it will be appropriate and not in this case when the bride has just gotten married!
● Skip the drama: It’s not a big deal if you accidentally forget someone’s name or get nervous when you’re up on stage giving your speech. The bride and groom will not only understand but they’ll also love you a lot more for it because everyone gets nervous, especially on the big day!
● Don’t talk badly about others: Nope, you don’t want to do this because nobody likes that type of person. Even if someone in the bridal party or even the bride and groom aren’t your favorite people, just skip their names in your speech.
Funny Maid of Honor Speech Examples From A Stand Up Comic
**Warning…Kerry is a stand up comic, so some of these we probably wouldn’t say out loud, but take these examples and make them your own…maybe a little more appropriate for the big day! ha!
Without further ado, here is our stand up comic friend Kerry, to help you out!
I remember hearing about someone’s maid of honor speech and how funny it was. I think it had to do with not being at all surprised that the bride picked her best friend! It wasn’t exactly what most people would say, but it had all of us in stitches.
I’m sure you want your maid of honor speech to be perfect, so take a few moments to jot down some ideas on paper first. That way you can revise the speech until you are completely satisfied! Just remember – there is no right way to be funny. There is only your own way, which might not even involve a pun or punchline.
Funny Maid of Honor Quotes
- I’d like to take a moment to thank everyone who helped out with planning the Bachelorette Party. And I extra want to thank everyone who lied and told the groom we were scrapbooking.
- I still remember when the bride would throw on makeup and fix here hair before going out in public with the groom. He must be thrilled that she is now comfortable wearing jammies and a pony tail on their date nights.
- When the bride and groom first met, she asked if I thought he was too good looking for her. Silly, right? He’s not even good looking.
- I know the groom loves the bride for being so laid back and accommodating. He has no idea that she’s going to toss out his childhood action figures by this time next week.
- I am thrilled that my dear friend chose such an amazing man. You should’ve seen the cast of characters that came before him!
- The bride once told me that she loved how the groom was confident and didn’t let her boss him around. Don’t worry, groom, she’ll get there.
- I knew he was the one for her when she told me he was a school teacher. He must be pretty amazing for her to marry a man with that salary.
- It seems like only yesterday that the bride was out partying and dancing with a man in a fireman’s uniform. Wait, that was yesterday. That whole Bachelorette party is already a blur.
- May the bride have a long happy marriage where she never wears any of the lingerie she received at her shower.
- I would love to be the first person to ask when you’ll be having a baby, but I’m pretty sure at least two people did so when the bride was still walking down the aisle.
- I have never known the bride to love anyone as much as she loves the groom. OK, maybe she has, but those guys thought she was bonkers.
- From this day forward, you will never have to get another bikini wax.
- The dear bride has a wonderful sense of humor. She said the funniest thing recently. What was it? Oh yeah, “You’ll wear that dress again one day.”
- I know the bride will love the groom in sickness and in health. Even if health means he becomes obsessed with CrossFit.
- It has been my honor to carry Kleenex, lip gloss, and an extra tampon for you today as you join your life with the man you love.
- The bride is the type of woman who’d drop everything to bail someone out of jail. You should all have her on speed dial. But not tonight. She’s busy.
- I know the bride loves you to the moon and back, but when you become parents, she’s gonna love that kid all the way to Mars.
- These two are so in love that they didn’t even consider a prenuptial agreement. But what would be the point anyway with all their student loan debt.
- I’m not saying that the bride changes her mind a lot, but I am going to hang on to the receipt for their wedding gift.
- They like to tell people they met at work, but really they met on Farmers Only. Turns out the groom was entirely misinformed on what he thought a “backhoe” was.
- I am a tad nervous to speak in front of a crowd, so I’m picturing everyone in their underpants. On that note, check out the groom! Hubba hubba!
- The bride has always been like a sister to me. Look out, groom, she’s going to borrow all of your nicest heels.
- When these two first met on Tinder, she didn’t even mean to swipe right. She accidently sneezed when browsing the app. I, for one, am so happy she ordered extra black pepper on her lunch that day.
- I would do anything for the bride. I’m just glad that she now has a husband who can do most of it, though, so I can sleep in on weekends.
- I wanted to share the story about how much nicer the groom is than her last fiancé, but this morning she told me the groom didn’t know about him.
- I have seen this gal do a keg stand at a frat party and talk back to a cop. Congratulations, groom, on choosing her to be the mother of your children.
- It’s not that you’ll never be right again, groom, it’s that you’ll never be able to admit it.
- I have seen the bride at her worst, and I love her anyway. I can teach you how to do that too, groom, because it’s a comin’.
- This woman has always been my partner in crime. I’d love to share more stories but can’t on the advice of counsel.
- I will always be a sister to you. Unlike your actual sister who is already vomiting in the ladies’ room.
- I am beyond thrilled to be the one you chose to lift your dress so you can pee.
- When she first asked me to be her maid of honor, I said no. I didn’t think they were a good fit. So, um, yeah. Cheers.
- It is a rare occurrence that someone’s one night stand turns into a happy marriage. Hopefully not too rare.
- They say not to bring up exes in a maid of honor speech, but how else can I tell the groom what a vast improvement he is over those losers?
- For those who may not know me, no, I am not the bride’s good-looking sister. I’m her super good-looking best friend.
- The two of us have stuck together through thick and thin. After today, she has the groom to stick with her through thick.
- The groom is so wonderful that I didn’t even have to threaten him by saying, “If you hurt her, you’ll have me to deal with!”. I mean, yeah, I did threaten him. I just didn’t have to.
- I want to thank the bride for including me today. And for inviting her hot cousin who’s on leave from the Marine Corps. Save me a dance, sergeant?
- When she asked me to be her maid of honor, how could I say no? I mean, there’s an open bar.
- Thank you for allowing me to say a few words. Most weddings don’t have a maid of honor speech, so that’s a little preview to who is in charge around here.
- The bride once said she wanted 5 kids. Not sure how many the groom wants. If 10 years from now they have 5 kids, we’ll know who wears the pants in this marriage: No one.
- I know the two of you will never have to worry about finances because she’s never going to let you drop $500 on a PS5.
- The bride is strong-willed and won’t take flak from anyone. After all, I’m the one who told her not to marry this clown, yet here we are today.
- It’s odd to see the bride sipping water instead of her usual red wine. If you guys want to think it’s because she doesn’t want to stain her dress, then I won’t elaborate.
- There really is someone out there for everyone. I mean, if this guy can land a hottie like the bride, then there’s hope for the rest of you uggos.
- I’m so sorry for getting a little choked up. I always get this way after doing body shots out of a groomsmen’s navel.
- I’ve been given a long list of things that I am not to bring up during this toast. On that note, cheers.
- This has been such an amazing reception even though I didn’t get any of the bacon-wrapped shrimp.
- A word of advice: You never need to go to bed angry. Especially in this day and age when you can legally purchase edibles in most states.
- I promise I will make this short and sweet. I can tell the groom is looking for a good excuse to empty another glass.
- Some men find it important to marry a woman who takes good care of the home and does the cooking. Some men.
- I love the bride because she doesn’t care what anyone thinks as evidenced by her wearing white today.
- I knew the bride was really into this guy when she stopped taking her birth control by the second date.
- The bride is an amazing woman. When you drink yourself sick, she’ll make sure you’ve had some Gatorade before she laughs at you.
- At first, I thought the bride just wanted to throw a wedding. Then when I learned that the groom was unemployed, I knew she was doing this for love.
- It’s sweet to hear everyone wish you happiness today as if you won’t both be at each other’s throats once you have kids.
- The two of us have so many fond memories together. I’m so happy that she found the person who will hold her hair back after a night of partying for the rest of her life.
- I lived with the bride back in college. That’s how I know she’ll be a great wife. She won’t get on your case for not cleaning because she is an absolute slob.
- It is my duty as the maid of honor to ask that gal in the back who wore a white dress, “Who the heck do you think you are?”
- It is my duty as the maid of honor to ask that gal in the back who wore a white dress, “Who the heck do you think you are?”
- From this day on, the bride will never have to hide her feelings about how much time the groom spends playing Call of Duty.
- These two agree on so many things. If they can just figure out whose method of loading dishes is correct, then there’s nothing they can’t achieve.
- Before we toast, I want to remind everyone who hasn’t gotten them a gift yet that these two were too polite to ask for cash. But I’m not. So yeah, get them cash.
- The bride has never been one to back away from a challenge. That’s why she married a guy who needs so much work.
- Your wedding day may seem like the end of a journey, but the truth is your journey is just beginning. Planning the wedding was the easy part.
- I tried to talk them into running away to marry in Vegas, but these two really wanted to waste a ton of money on overcooked pork medallions.
- Today marks the day that the both of you realize all those little annoying quirks you each have are here to stay.
- From now on, the bride will never have to laugh at the groom’s lame dad jokes. She can roll her eyes with the rest of the world.
- I pray that years from now, the two of you have a good laugh when you look at the China you never used and remember the argument you had when choosing it.
- Your marriage marks the day when you finally understand why couples get so excited about weekend trips to Bed, Bath, and Beyond.
- It takes some nerve for a bride to choose an old college roommate as her maid of honor.
- I appreciate the couple’s desire to keep costs down, but an outdoor wedding in Phoenix in June is pushing it.
- This wedding is a long time coming. They had hoped to marry during the peak of Covid so that they could keep the headcount low.
- I know the bride just adores the groom. She is marrying him even after meeting his crazy mother.
- I was a tad nervous to give this toast today, but when I saw that the groom’s dad brought his new 25-year-old girlfriend as his date, I figures there’s nothing I could do to make this more awkward.
- I want to start by saying that the bride will not be doing a bouquet toss today. She doesn’t want any of you to have to plan a wedding during an international pandemic.
- The bride looks like an absolute princess today. I sure hope she doesn’t bail by midnight and leave behind one of her expensive shoes.
- Sorry for the late start today. The bride was not feeling well. She totally wasn’t in the restroom saying “I can’t go through with this” while her mother cried.
- As most of you know, it is my duty as maid of honor to collect money for those making bets against how long it’ll be before they’re sleeping in separate beds. Over/under is 6 months.
- I always knew these two would end up taking that walk down the aisle. Most people thought he’d never propose to the woman who drank herself sick on their first date.
- The bride and groom are such a great fit. As you can tell by the decorations today, these two are both very, very frugal.
- Just remember, groom, that you think her little quirks are adorable. You forfeit the right to complain about them when they inevitably get on your nerves.
- I’m delighted to be here today as the maid of honor. After all, I’m the one who convinced her to go out with the groom in the first place.
- I knew it was true love when she learned he was a Steelers fan and wanted to marry him anyway.
- Irregardless of what the bride told you, me has always been a good public talker.
- I never thought I’d be here celebrating this marriage. After all, the night they first met, she’d been eyeballing his roommate.
- When the bride told me she was getting married, I assumed it was because she wanted to throw a party using all those great tips from Pinterest. After meeting the groom, I think I’m right.
- I am so happy that these two married for love because considering how much time they spend in the sun, their looks will not last.
- Before we raise our glasses, I promised the groom’s Aunt Pat that I’d announce that she didn’t get any of the sausage-stuffed dates.
- I want to make sure that everyone has a drink in their hand before I get started. Because if you guys aren’t drunk, then I won’t seem very funny.
- I know the groom dearly loves the bride because he saw those pictures of her before she lost the weight, and it didn’t scare him off.
- Most women say they’d love their husbands even if he was chubby and balding. I know that’s true for the bride because he already is.
- I can’t wait to call you two up in 78 days to tell you that your marriage has outlasted most of the Kardashians’.
- When these two first got together, they bought the most adorable dog. I hope I’m on the short list to take him in when they have kids and can’t stand him any longer.
- I don’t know the groom that well, but based on his taste in women, he must enjoy Harry Potter and stories about what her cat did this weekend.
- I’d like all the groom’s friends to know how much the bride enjoys spending time with you. Remember that when he flakes on plans and blames her.
- I have so enjoyed celebrating with these two today, but I would like to announce that I am busy on whichever weekend you choose to have a gender reveal party.
- I just know that the groom will make a wonderful father. He already has a terrible sense of humor.
- What a lucky man the groom is! He leaves here today with my fantastic friend as his wife. She leaves here today with some flowers that will be dead by morning.
- These two are such a progressive couple who don’t believe in gender roles. That’s why he does all the cooking and not because she doesn’t even know how to turn on the stove.
No matter what, remember to never embarrass the bride or groom, and keep it about them. Know your audience, so you aren’t left with awkward silences and feeling stupid. The Maid of Honor speech is an honor to give, just make sure the humor matches the tone of the wedding and the audience.